Pangalactic Gargle Blaster
To help celebrate my 42nd birthday, we thought we'd have a few people over for drinks and pizza. Because of the significance of the number of years I've been alive, we thought Pangalactic Gargle Blasters would be a nicely appropriate refreshment.
We were immediately stymied by the complete unavailability not only Ol' Janx Spirit, for which there is no distributor that serves Nebraska, but found Arcturan Mega Gin to be also difficult to obtain, frozen or not. There also seems to be an embargo against importation of Fallian marsh gas and seawater from Santraginus V. (Oh, those Santraginus beaches. Oh, those Santraginean fish.) And given the utter absence of Algolian Suntiger tooth outlets, actually harvesting one seems likely to be beyond the resources of major world governments, not to mention I'd want to have them by later this afternoon.
Undeterred, we undertook to reverse engineer the drink, given a working knowledge of its general effect as well as the experience of drinking it, namely that it's similar to having one's brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped around a large gold brick, and starting with materials we know to be readily available on an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy.
A brief survey of foregoing attempts was unsatisfying, each recipe failing to capture the mood and spirit of the original creation. One seems much too concerned with the slice of lemon, while another is likely to be overly gold-bricky. Some versions seem to assert that all you need to make a Pangalactic Gargle Blaster are some colorful-but-tacky liquors with none-the-less exotic names, like Blue Curacao or Mike's Hard Lemonade, and a shaker. We think, though, the recipe must be more subtle.
Pangalactic Gargle Blasters, we know, have the following characteristics:
- Having four liters of Fallian marsh gas through them makes them fizzy.
- They are hot from the dissolved tooth of the Algolian Suntiger.
- They must have an element of citrus, or one's brain would be smashed out by a simple gold brick.
- Ol' Janx Spirit and Arcturan Mega Gin are highly intoxicating, and suppress telekinetic potential.
- Hyper Mint extract from the Qalactin dark zones presumably make them, well, minty.
- (What the hell is zamphour?)
- They contain sea water.
- ...And an olive
Given this, here is the recipe we came up with. To make one Pangalactic Gargle Blaster:
- 2 ounces tequila. This is the substitute for Ol' Janx Spirit. For some reason tequila came to mind when I imagined mandranite miners playing their drinking game.
- 2 ounces ice cold gin, standing in for 3 cubes of frozen Arcturan Mega Gin. Gin is tough to freeze, but 3 cubes of frozen gin would be even better.
- 1/4 ounce creme de menthe, to add color and just a shadow of Qalactin Hypermint Extract.
- A sugar cube, which has been allowed to absorb several drops of Melinda's Habeñero Hot Sauce. It's hot, sweet, and dissolves in the drink, like the tooth of a Algolian Suntiger.
- Sea salt, perhaps not too unlike the salts of the seas of Santraginus V.
- A wedge of lemon (to wrap around the gold brick).
- Reed's Extra Ginger Beer, providing the liquid component of the Santraginean seawater as well as the Fallian marsh gas.
Rub the rim of a pint glass with lemon, and dip it in the salt (like you were making a margarita). Place several ice cubes in the glass.
Pour in the tequila, gin, and creme de menthe. Don't bother floating it; it won't work with the ice in the glass...
Top off with ginger beer. Drop in the sugar cube. Squeeze in the juice from the wedge of lemon.
Add an olive.
Drink...but...very carefully...
Comments: 0